When I started out asking the question, why get married? It was to challenge men who are in long-term relationships and in some cases with responsibility of children. I wanted to know from them how they have not had an aha moment about the women they were building a life with. Why she was not the woman he wanted to marry?
In some cases these men did not believe in the marriage system. But in other cases they just did not see themselves marrying that person. In all cases as I questioned them, the question came back to me. Why do you want to get married? What makes it so special even in today’s society where it seems we can do everything married couples do, by using different contracts, living with each other, etc.? When I start to ask myself that question my journey began.
Since my last post, Why get Married – The Convo, I have been asking people why they got married or why they want to? Ironically everything I watch or read lately has to deal with marriage. The thought of marriage is on my mind a lot. It is on my mind more then wedding colors, diamond rings and bride-maids. As I said before I welcome the challenge, I would rather know why I want to get married rather then why I did?
But then all of a sudden it hit me. I got scared. I began to wonder if I really want to take on such a challenge. It never occur to me, that like any question there is always a chance for more then one answer. When I embraced the challenging question, “Why Get Married?” I didn’t realize that I may come to a conclusion that I do not want to. All I ever knew about relationships is the main goal is to find the ONE that you will marry. In a world that is big on traditions, it is rare to find someone who can answer the question from their own soul searching. It is easier to say I want to get married because that is how I grew up. Now, here I am pushing the envelope just a little further. In doing so, I know that there is 50% chance, that I want to get married. I will be ready for the ONE to ask and I will proudly say yes; because I will say yes with a purpose. There is a 50% chance that I will say I don’t want to get married. What does that mean for me? Do I dare to challenge “the right way” to do things with my own thoughts. What does that mean for the man I am with? What if at the end of this journey we do not want the same things? Woe, now that is a hard pill to swallow.
So do I still welcome the challenge? Or should I take the easy way out and go with the flow of being happy and satisfied with what I have, since it is the best thing I ever had? Should I never ask the hard questions that will go against the grain of my traditional life? Should I just get married because it’s the right thing to do?