My Response to… I never wanted to be an “Independent Woman”


Together Apart – relationship academy, known for their great topics about love and how it relates to self image, marriage, commitment etc; re-posted a statement by a woman, with the initials M.M. The first line, “ To be honest I never wanted to be an ‘independent woman’ however being raised in a single mother household… I learned from an early age how to “take care of it all,” raised my left eyebrow. After reading the comment and other women responses, I had to respond.

Her words…

” To be honest I never wanted to be an “independent woman” however being raised in a single mother household…I learned from an early age how to “take care of it all” I think this definitely affected my marriage and romantic relationships….I was raised to be an “alpha female” and I have also become a single mother…..I want a man to take charge and one that I can truly submit to and let him run the show…it is a not an easy process to trust when your whole life your mindset has been to ‘do it all & trust no one’.” — M.M.

My response…

Like M.M. I grew up with the motto, miss independent. I am proud that I am able to do for myself and be self sufficient. I developed that attitude watching my mother, grandmother and aunts get things done, even in times when men were present. As an adult, a lady, a.k.a miss independent has become my anthem. I am grateful to have certain skills that make me the strong, educated and self sufficient woman I am today.

I understand that sometimes taking on the superwoman role can take a toll on ones life. I watch women do what they have to, with smiles on their faces that sometimes cover their frustrations. The comfort of having someone in your life to relieve the pressure is a great feeling. Let me emphasis, it is an awesome feeling!

However, I must respond because M.M. believes her independence has affected her “marriage and romantic relationships.” She faults her “alpha female” training as the reason she can not trust anyone. I believe she has not been able to trust anyone because, no one have earned her trust.

When men do not earn women’s trust they won’t earn women’s respect. It is only normal for an “alpha female” to step up to the plate and serve it if she has to. She should not feel shame in doing what she need to do, especially if it means to provide for her family.

It is so easy to blame yourself for not taking a more “humble” or “submissive” role to keep a man. On more than one occasion I have heard that I am “too hard on a man”. For a second I believed that my personality had to change. When I realized that I would be settling, I embraced my independence even more. I continued to believe that the right guy will come along. My strong personality would not intimidated him; instead he will find my ability to hold my own, attractive. His challenge would be to earn my trust as I earn his. That trust will grow into a mutual respect that will allow us to submit to each other. I held out and just in case you want to know, he was out there. So M.M., embrace the woman you are and in time you will find someone who will embrace you as well. 

Let’s Talk About It!


6 Comments on My Response to… I never wanted to be an “Independent Woman”

  1. I’m a strong independent woman too, and I’ve learned when to step back and let my honey be the man that he is. I’ve learned that as long as I speak to him respectfully to get my point across, we fair out better. I agree with what you said respect is important. Great post!

  2. Love this post. I can be too much for my husband at times but I was raised to speak my mind and with that comes independence. I think women can be independent and still have room for a man who can respect her. Men need to adapt this is the 21st century we are a different breed of women.

    • Thanks for stopping by KoKoa Mag and leaving your comments. Respect is important. As long as a woman is respected and respectful there is nothing wrong with her speaking her mind.

  3. LOVE this post and 100% agree! I’ve been told by some that I am too opinionated for a woman, and that I’d never get a man. Pfft.

    Men should learn how to adapt and to start treating women with more equality and respect. Women shouldn’t feel pressured to back down and retreat into submissiveness. Worse, I often hear negative messages from other women–other women trying to turn women into submissive wives!

    Well I say NO to that! And FYI…I have a husband who loves this about me. It was not a problem for him!

    • Usually when I heard that I was being “to hard on a man” it came from a woman : ( But I am glad that I never gave into that idea. Thank you for your response, women need to hear that!


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