Painful Love


Olivia Pope will spend this Valentines Day alone, which would be the case if she was real and not a character on ABC’s hit TV show Scandal.

As she hands her boyfriend his engagement ring back, she said “I don’t want normal and easy or simple; I want painful, difficult, devastating, life changing, extraordinary love.”

Is love supposed to hurt? I looked at my boyfriend; I tilt my head and asked sarcastically, “are we missing something?”

For those who have not watch Scandal, let me give you a quick review. Shonda Rhimes did what I expected and delivered exciting characters and intense stories that have everyone on social networks buzzing. The unexpected is the main character Olivia Pope personal issues, from fix elections to struggling with her role as the President’s mistress. She is the character; I dare to say, you can love and dislike simultaneously.

When she is not struggling with her demons, the other side of Olivia Pope is an intelligent, successful, independent woman; 90% of the time, she has an answer that will solve major problems putting everyone at ease that she takes on as a client. She is fierce.

She began working for the President of the United States when he was a Senator. When he became President, in some ways she became more important to him then his right hand man. She definitely felt more important than his wife, as she comforted Mr. unhappily married on several occasions.

She eventually resigns her position at the white house, to get away from the roller coaster ride of a relationship, starts her own company and finds herself a few episodes later taking the President on as a client when someone shot him. A bullet to the head brings the President to what seems like an Aha moment. You know the ones that make you feel like life is too short not to live it the way you want. He started talking crazy, like he was going to leave his wife and he wanted Olivia to wait for him. He pleaded with her not to accept the proposal that her boyfriend gave her. “Wait for me”, he says. He was 100% sure that he would divorce his wife no matter what he had to sacrifice. He sounds so convincing. I am sure the audience glued to their TV sets took the passionate scenes he had with his wife telling her he will get a divorce as a sure sign that he was sincere. Some part of me wanted to believe him too, but I still twisted my lips and rolled my eyes as he told Olivia that this was the real thing, I just can not help to think, nothing is real until it happens.

I was right. Olivia smiled at her President, lover, and the man who she thought was her friend and told him that she will wait for him. What she did not know, is that he had heard some information about her early that day that changed the way he viewed her. He never even considered getting her side of the story. He just decided that it was over. Leaving Olivia with hurtful words,” screwing your mistress is one thing, but marrying her is political suicide…”

Just like that, it was over. The episode came to a conclusion with Olivia sitting alone on empty church pews wondering what she did wrong, why he was so cold and did she make the right decisions. Well, at least that’s what I imagine from her blank painful stare.

Olivia got what she asked for; she said she wanted “… painful, difficult, devastating, life changing, extraordinary love.” I can not say she found love, but it is undoubtedly a painful experience.

I could not help to wonder, what did Olivia expected to happened if he did leave his wife for her. Would she accept the happily ever after life with him that she clearly told her boyfriend she was not cut out for? Would she get bored with love and chase the drama that she seems addicted to?

I know Olivia is just a character and the words took place on set; however, stories of drama filled relationships are nothing new. Some people believe if love is not painful it is not extraordinary, no matter how many times their toxic relationships leave them lonely.

What do you think? Is love; painful, drama free or a little of both?

Let’s talk about it.


6 Comments on Painful Love

  1. Yes! I live for this article. I’m a scandal fanatic and I totally agree to what Shawn Richards pointed out. Society is confused as to what love truly is. We think that if there are no sparks, no hiccups, no bumps that it is boring, mundane and must not be real. In all actuality, love isn’t supposed to hurt, but our brains have been well…brainwashed.

    Great job.

    • Thank you Hershykiss, I am glad you enjoy this post, this is one of my favorites. That episode had me like, “okay, so exactly what else do you need to leave this married man alone, a beat down!” Brainwashed and desperate for attention, I say.

  2. Shawn Richards // February 18, 2013 at 1:50 am // Reply


    I love Scandal! I see it as art imitating life. In the context in which this article mentions it, Scandal’s Olivia Pope character is not so different from MILLIONS of women around the world, particularly here in the US. As you allude to in the article, the only type of love people view as being ‘good love’ is actually DYSFUNCTIONAL LOVE. It’s kind of hard to tell the difference when you have a miniscule amount of self esteem, OR no example of functional/positive love to use as a blueprint for what love should be like.

    • Thanks for your honesty. You are right about “millions” of women relating to dysfunctional love. If I am honest, I would have to say that I have had my share of toxic relationships. Never as scandaless as Olivia’s, but I have kept unhealthy relationships around for those lonely nights. Those relationships did not last long, because one thing I have is an idea of how someone should treat me and I don’t have a problem expressing that.

      Although healthy relationships are not always in our community or family; the only guide one really need is your own standanrds of how you want someone to treat you. Teach people those standards and if they are not willing to learn or commit to your standards, then you know that they don’t care. No matter what comes out of their mouth, or how much they gyrate on your body, the reality is that they don’t care! When someone shows me they don’t care about me and yet they are benefiting from my loneliness I get angry. If I decide to entertain the craziness just because I am bored I know what it is and I don’t try to make dysfunctional the normal.

      When you try to make it normal or try to make the relationship something it is not, it eventually snowballs into a hot mess. You find yourself sick to your stomach when he have sex with you just because he can; then he reveals that you disgust him. Did you see the last episode? OMG! I almost wrote another article on how the President’s hate sex with Olivia made me feel like he just as well had pissed on her, that was the level of disrespect I felt.

      Anyway, ladies we all can do better and we should. Have faith that someone will meet your standards. Then wait until the one comes along, it is worth it, trust me I know.

  3. It’s definitely drama free for me and I think it’s a misconception that true passion or love = drama. I know it stems from wanting what my parents had which was imperfect, but no drama for 30+ years.


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