My Response to… Should Women Looking To Marry Consider Bisexual Men?

marriedonbeach

At a glanced, the title that received 224 comments peek my interest. I am not interested in bisexual men and I can’t see how they can expand ones ability to get a husband. However, the title made me curious as to what desperation for marriage has led women to now?

Danielle Pointdujour starts her article with a story of a woman who begins to fall for Mr. Perfect then Mr. Perfect tells her that he is bisexual. Pointdujour’s article implies that a situation like this can become complicated when Mr. Perfect has everything that you want on your check off list. “So what happens now? Do you scratch a man off the list and call your girls to complain, yet again, about how you can’t find a good man? But wait, he is a good man….isn’t he?”

My response…

First I want to applaud Danielle Pointdujour for her radical article, bringing to front an issue that most likely many women face alone. Our culture has come along way from the days when TV shows had couples sleeping in separate beds, (i.e. – I Love Lucy). Sexuality, love and family have changed dramatically in the past decade; the right to love and be loved is becoming less a uniformed idea and more diverse.

However, I have to express my honest response to the article that exposed new territory in the dating world and the comments that it evoked. When I read the article I thought, is marriage really that important to people? In a world where family and love is redefined; what does marriage really means and why are people still so hooked on an old tradition even with their redefined relationships?

The next thought that came to mind, answer the main question of the article, “Should women looking to marry, consider bisexual men?” For me, Hell Na, I don’t want to add to my list of potential husbands’ – men who have slept with men. I may seem closed minded to a commenter or two that feels ignorance of bisexuality is the reason some women are not open to the idea. However, for me, something is unattractive about a man attracted to men. Although I watch TV, listen to radio to and from work and I am always on the internet; I would have to disagree with those who think my consumption of media, influence my definition of love. My definition of love started in my home as a child. As I grew up my wants and non-negotiable needs in a relationship came from my experiences. My experiences have taught me that bisexual men and gay men, although some argue differences; at the end of the day, it is clear they have feelings that attract them to men. No matter what attraction a man may have for me, his desire for a man gives him a desire I can never fill and I don’t want to. My feelings do not make me less educated or more confused about the situation. It just means that my selection is not as diverse as others and that’s okay.

In retrospect, women who decide that bisexual men is an option; I hope that they are true to themselves in their quest to broaden their selection of eligible men. It would be a shame to find yourself in an unwanted situation just to fill the need of another unwanted situation.

Marriage just like love is not something that we should force or feel pressure to do by some timeline or certain age. It should not be our main focus in life, so much so that we spend countless hours thinking of a plan to get “the one”, (i.e. expanding the dating pool to…) it should be an experience that happens while we focus on our personal growth and happiness.

What are your thoughts?

Let’s Talk About It

Lady I @ AKA MISSI

2 Comments on My Response to… Should Women Looking To Marry Consider Bisexual Men?

  1. For me personally if I end up with a guy, who’s bisexual, it wouldn’t really be a problem because I am bisexual myself but even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t really care much if my “husband” has had relationships with men. I believe that the world should be more open minded as we’re speaking of love and politics mainly(despite we should be able to talk and think freely about everything).
    If the man comes straight to me and tell me “I am bisexual” I admit that I may be speechless for some time but I would never break up with that guy because of that reason. the fact that he decided to come out (despite a bit late though) shows that this person think I am special because of the strength he had shown when deciding to come out to me. Love is love and has no gender-sometimes you find what you’re looking for in a person from the opposite gender and sometimes from the same. It really is the person that matters.

    • It is interesting to see what others think. I know that this can be a hard subject and people are not willing to freely speak their minds for the sake of what others may think of them. When we are not afraid we can have healthy conversations that help us understand each other. After reading the article, I read all kind of responses from straight, bisexual and lesbian women and I saw very different answers that seem to extend from the person’s own experience. Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts alexkellyoc.

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