My Response To… What to Do When Your Fiance’s Baby Mama Wants to Attend Your Wedding

Wedding hand

Photo provided by


An article titled, “What to Do When Your Fiance’s Baby Mama Wants to Attend Your Wedding” got my attention. Being a newly wed myself, I know how stressful it can be to try to plan the perfect day for you and your love ones. You have to think about so many details, colors, location, money, etiquette etc. And although you’re not a professional and may not be able to afford one, the responsibility to get everything just right becomes an expected overwhelming task. So I could not imagine how it would feel to have the added pressure of ex’s and baby mama drama.

After reading the writer’s question and Demetria Lucas D’Oyley’s advice, I was ready to move on. The writer did not go into much details, just that her fiance’s ex, the mother of his child request an invitation to their wedding. Demetria made some good points, although “There’s no “right” answer here,” she said. She talked about the child’s needs, etiquette, among other things. I read the article thinking, yeah, I guess that would work. However, as I began to read the comments of other readers, I began to really think about how I would handle a situation like this and of course I had to give my two-cents.

My Response…

I would have to respond by telling my fiancé to tell his ex that she is not invited, period. Why? Because I am not comfortable. The way I see it, if we don’t have that kind of relationship before I start making plans for my wedding we are not going to develop that relationship during my wedding.

People keep talking about the child. The concern is that the child’s mother not being at the wedding will affect the child in a negative way. However, if the three adults involved in raising this child never came together to be friends, family or at the least communicating co-parents prior to this big event, the possibility that the child has heard or seen some negative actions already are very possible. This important event is not the time to show the child that you like each other and that you can get along. Children are not stupid and they should receive the facts in a language that they can understand.

What’s Your Response?

2 Comments on My Response To… What to Do When Your Fiance’s Baby Mama Wants to Attend Your Wedding

  1. My answer to this may come as a surprise since I am the woman that always says, “I will never ever date or get in a relationship with a man that had a child” because I do not want the baby mama drama. However, if I chose to get in that kind of relationship with the man who has a child I do have to think about the child. I Would not be comfortable with her there if she was too much drama but if she had her own life and would only like to attend for the “family”sake I don’t think I would object. Of course this also depends on some factors that we have a working relationship. If I choose to be with a father I have to be a grown woman about everything. Hence why I always chose no fathers. I’m that grown yet.

    • Hey Daphne. Long time, miss you voice on akamissi.
      Anyway, we both pretty much are on the same page. The reality is when you are with someone who already has children, it’s going to take time and effort on all the adults to make it work. By the time you get to the marriage stage you would know if the ex is a problem or not. The fact that this lady is writing because she is in conflict says that it is more drama than it’s worth to allow her fiance’s ex to attend. I think they should still consider the child going forward and work on their co-parenting skills for their future.


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: